The Marriage Altar
J. R. Miller, 1898
This simple article will prove helpful to young people
who are thinking about marriage. There are also many practical suggestions
for those who are already married—and are trying to learn the secret of
living happily together.
"The bond which links our souls together,
Will it last through stormy weather?"
I. Choosing a WIFE
On no other subject do young people need wise, loving
counsel more than in choosing for marriage. One reason is that it is
possible to make a mistake. Not every marriage is happy. Of all mistakes
this is one of the saddest—for it is irreparable. If a man does not like his
house, he can move out of it. If your companions are not congenial, you can
drop them. But when you have taken the marriage vows—there is no honorable
release.
A wise marriage, leads a man to the noblest, truest,
fullest, and best life. Thousands of men owe all their success and
prosperity to their choice of a wife. She has been the good angel of
their destiny. There is a fable of a lump of common clay which was
made fragrant by the rose which rested beside it. Countless men of common
mold have been transformed into rare beauty, refinement, and grace of
character—by the gentle woman whom they were so blessed as to find for a
wife. A wise man wants a wife who will make something of him, whose
influence will ever inspire him to do his best.
Of course a man must marry the woman he loves. It
will not do to look merely for the qualities which make a good wife,
and then, without affection, or any leading of the heart, "choose" her. At
the same time there is room for the exercise of common sense in this,
as in all other decisions of life. Too many men make the mistake of
following only their heart's guidance—and learn too late what fools
they were. God has given us a mind as well as a heart—and we
are responsible for thought as well as for feeling. Without
love, marriage is a mockery; yet a man should be sure that the woman he
loves is worthy.
What are some of the qualities of a worthy wife?
1. For one thing, a godly man does not want a mere toy
wife
, something too refined, too dainty, for this work-a-day
world. She should be a woman who can bear her share of the burdens, who can
endure toil and sacrifice—and grow all the lovelier meanwhile.
2. A wife a man chooses, should be a good housekeeper.
To some romantic young lovers, this will seem a very uninteresting feature
to put into the picture. They are moving just now in a sort of romantic
atmosphere, in which such matters as housekeeping seem almost profane.
But never mind; they will not be many weeks married, before they will come
down out of the clouds to walk on common earth, and then alas! if the poor
woman does not prove a good housewife!
An ancient philosopher, roaming at night, and gazing at
the sky while he walked, stumbled and fell. His companion said to him, "One
should not have his head in the stars—while his feet are on the earth."
There are women who live in sentimental dreams, among the stars, neglecting
meanwhile the household duties which lie close to their hands. It may be set
down as a positive rule, whether in palace or cottage, that the wife whose
home will be happy and permanently beautiful—must know how to work with her
own hands at the commonplace, housewifely tasks which the days bring to her.
Good breakfasts, dinners, and suppers, good bread, good coffee—in a word,
good housekeeping—far more than many young lovers dream—does wedded
happiness depend upon just such unromantic realities as these!
One of Paul's special counsels for young women is that
they be "keepers at home." In the Revised Version, it reads "workers
at home." That is, the place for a young wife's most sacred duty is
in her own home! No doubt women have a wide field for Christ-like
usefulness in ministering to human need and sorrow outside; but in
performing such ministries, however beautiful and noble—a wife should never
neglect her divinest duties—those which lie within her own doors! A young
man in choosing a wife would better seek one—a prominent feature of whose
piety it is to be a good housekeeper and homemaker!
3. Another suggestion is that in choosing a wife a man
should look for a woman of SWEET TEMPER.
Nothing else can take
the place of LOVE in a home; nothing else can supply its lack. There are
many women who have so much of the spirit of love and gentleness, that they
fill their home with the fragrance of heaven, and the calm of God! With
faulty husbands—sometimes exacting, unreasonable, arbitrary, and petulant;
with the many burdens and cares of the household filling mind, hand, and
heart—and ofttimes well near crushing their frail shoulders—these noble
wives move on day by day, month by month—unvexed in spirit, unfretting,
gentle, patient, uncomplaining, wearing always a bright face, bright with
the beauty of love—speaking always sweet and quieting words, and shedding
ever over all their home life—the sacred influences of a ministering
affection.
Let the young man who is seeking a wife—seek for a girl
who has in her face and spirit the sweet, budding loving-spirit of such
womanhood as this. Then he will make no mistake in marriage. His wife will
do him good and not evil, all the days of her life.
4. A young man should desire for his wife a woman who
will be in perfect sympathy with his life.
If he marries a woman
who regards herself as above him, too good for his station, or ashamed of
his occupation or business—she will probably not make him happy. Or if she
has no interest in the things which are dear to him, no sympathy with him in
the object to which his life is devoted—she will not be a helpful wife. It
is important that in marrying, that there should be complete blending of
lives and interests. A true wife must ever look up into her husband's
face with confidence and pride. She must care for the things for which he
cares. She must stand by him, not only when he is prosperous—but just as
loyally and affectionately when burdens press and cares multiply, and when
his heart is heavy with discouragement. If she fails him then—if she blames
and chides him because things are not going well—it makes his struggle ten
times harder. But if she meets trouble with strong faith; adverse
circumstances with abounding hope; and loss of money with cheerful courage
and ever gentler love—he is an ignoble man if he does not grow braver and
strong in the midst of his difficulties.
In choosing a wife, therefore, a wise young man will seek
for one who will enter with zest into all his life, who will stand close
beside him in the day of struggle and adversity, and who will ever inspire
him to noble and brave things.
5. Once more, it needs no argument to prove that a young
man should choose none but a godly woman for his wife.
A worldly
man may imagine that he does not need a pious wife; but if the truth were
confessed, even such a man, down deep in his heart, would rather have for
his wife a woman who reads her Bible, prays, and lives a godly life—than one
who is prayerless, godless, and worldly. Piety adorns and beautifies a
woman's character, clothing it with tender grace. Even a prayerless man
feels safer in his home, if he knows that his wife kneels morning and night
before God in prayer.
Isaac sent Jacob away from home—that he might not marry a
Canaanite woman. Any young man would better go to the ends of the earth, if
necessary, in search of a wife—than marry a Canaanite woman, that is—any but
a truly godly woman—one who loves God, and in whose heart God's love dwells.
If he marries such a pious wife, they can kneel together on their marriage
night at the feet of Christ, and seek his blessing upon their union. Then
together they can walk through this world—hand in hand, sustained by divine
grace, comforted in sorrow, strengthened in weakness, their faces ever
looking heavenward, and brightened by the hope of glory which streams down
upon them. Though death will separate them for a little while—together they
will ever be with the Lord.
II. Choosing a HUSBAND
There is something very sacred, almost awe inspiring—in
the act by which a woman, at her entrance into the marriage state, confides
all the interests of her life, into the hands of him whom she accepts as her
husband. She leaves father and mother and the home of her childhood; she
severs all the ties which bind her to her old life; she gives up the friends
and friendships of her youth; she cuts herself off from the sources of
happiness to which all through her years she has been accustomed to turn;
she looks up into the face of him who has asked her to be his wife, and with
trembling heart, and yet with quiet confidence—entrusts to him and his
keeping—all the sacred interests of her life.
It is a holy trust which a man receives, when a holy
woman thus commits herself to his keeping. It is the life-long happiness and
well being of a gentle heart, capable of ineffable joy—or of
unmeasured misery! It is the whole earthly future of a life which may be
fashioned into the beauty of Christ—or marred, its beauty forever
shattered!
Will he be faithful to the holy trust reposed in him?
Will he love this confiding wife, with an undecaying love? Will he shelter
her from the blasts, protect her in the day of peril, and deal tenderly with
her at all times? Will he seek her highest good, and help her to build up in
herself the truest and noblest womanhood? Will he be to her an inspirer of
whatever things are true, whatever things are pure, and whatever things are
lovely? Is this man who holds her hand, worthy to receive into his keeping,
all that her confiding love lays so cheerfully at his feet?
It is in this way that every thoughtful woman must
inquire concerning the man who asks her hand in marriage. To rush
heedlessly, without thought or question or prayer, into the marriage
state—who can characterize the folly, the peril—of such
trifling, such presumption!
What then, are some of the qualities which a woman should
demand in the man whom she accepts as her husband?
1. He should be a good PROVIDER.
This is not
saying that he should be rich. It is often asserted in these days, that
young men cannot afford to marry, since young women expect to begin where
their parents leave off, and that to support them in the luxury they
expect, is beyond the ability of most young men. This should not be true. It
is better every way to begin plainly. The mutual sharing of burdens
and sacrifices draws hearts together, and knits lives more closely. Besides,
there is a perpetual charm in an ever growing home—something new added every
year. Many of the happiest marriages this world ever saw, found their first
nest in a plain room, with only scant and plain furniture.
It is not necessary that a man be rich, to be a worthy
husband. He may be a poor man—but he should have something besides poverty
to commend him. He should have a brave heart, and two strong hands trained
to do something worth while, and ready ever for hard tasks. He should have
an occupation, and a position which may reasonably be depended upon, to
yield a comfortable living.
He should be industrious, and not self-indulgent. A woman
ought never to consider marriage to lazy man—a man who has no fixed
occupation, and a man who only eats the earnings of a hard working father or
mother, and goes about gadding the streets—playing the fine gentleman. The
girl who will marry such a man—is a poor, silly creature. He will never be
any comfort to her!
In the marriage vow a husband promises to love and to
cherish the woman who puts her hand into his. She should have reasonable
confidence, that he will keep his vow.
2. A man fit to be accepted as a husband should have good
HABITS.
They say "Love is blind." But it is very unfortunate if
love's blindness prevents a woman's seeing the evil habits in the man who
asks for her hand.
"But he is going to give up his loose habits when he is
married."
Is he? He says he will—possibly he thinks
he will. Yet the records of life are most discouraging to those who would
like to build their hopes of happiness, on such promises of amendment.
It is a perilous thing for a gentle hearted woman, who has never felt a
chill breath of unkindness—to tie her life in marriage with a man whose
habits can only wreck her happiness and break her heart—on the mere
promise that after he is married, he will reform. If he will not give up
his evil habits for the sake of the beautiful girl he seeks to win—will he
be likely to do so for the sake of the woman he has already won? Hardly.
The natural tendency of evil habits is not to wear
themselves out—but to grow in strength! They are spider threads
today—and unbreakable cables tomorrow! At present—Only a
single glass of wine, now and then. But after a while—drunkenness and
debasement, and the wreck of all that is worth living for!
3. The man whom a woman accepts for a husband, should be
a man of GENTLE, affectionate disposition.
I know a man should be
strong—a woman needs a man of strength. But the noblest strength is
also the most divinely gentle. A strong husband is poor comfort for a
suffering woman—who knows only tyranny, rudeness, and brutality in her home!
True strength is as gentle as a nursing mother. Wedded life can bring
happiness to a wife—only if she finds lovingness in the man to whom
she entrusts the sheltering of her life.
Mrs. Carlyle said, "I married for prestige! My husband is
very famous—but I am miserable!" She married a genius—and got a man who
broke her heart by his churlish tyranny! The world praised him, and wrote
his name high up on fame's column—but what comfort was that, to the
gentle woman who was crushed by his miserable tyranny!
The godly man is both brave—and gentle. Courage
is one of the finest things in manliness. Truth is another noble
quality. Strength is a manly attribute. So is uprightness. But
if a man is brave and true and strong and upright, and yet is not gentle—he
lacks one of the essential things in manly character.
We recognize this in the name which we give to a man who
is refined, who has a full rounded character, who realizes the best type of
manhood. We say he is a gentleman; that is, a man with a gentle
heart, a kindly spirit, an affectionate disposition. Someone says that a
gentleman is a man who will never cause pain to another—never do anything
which will hurt another's feelings. This includes thoughtfulness; it is
lack of thought which causes much of the wretchedness which human lives
make for each other. A gentleman is thoughtful.
None but a true gentleman will ever make a good husband.
A woman needs for her husband a man who will take her mother's place in
life—in tenderness, in patience, in kindliness; one to whom she will never
fear to go to, when her heart is sore; one who will be a comfort in sorrow,
whose love will be to her—like the very love of Christ.
Paul teaches that a husband should love his wife—just
as Christ loved the church. That is—he should be as Christ to his
wife—loving her with utter unselfishness, and ministering to her with
gentlest affectionateness. Such a man every true hearted woman should
rightly expect to find, in him whom her heart chooses as husband.
4. Once more, a woman should seek for her husband—a man
who will help her to grow by his side into the loveliest, truest womanhood.
Countless women have inspired their husbands with noble aspirations which
have led to most worthy life. But a husband should also be to his wife—a
true helpmate. The aim of his life should be not merely to provide fine
things for her to wear, and luxuries for her home—but to help her toward
higher culture, to adorn her mind, to cultivate her character,
and refine her spirit. If he is reaching up to greater knowledge and
power—he should be unwilling to leave her behind him.
The man a godly woman is willing to marry, should be one
whose influence over her is such as will draw out all the best possibilities
in her life—helping her indeed to be the noblest, most godly woman she can
become!
III. Secrets of Wedded Happiness
The happy day has come. The man and the woman who have
chosen each other as wife and as husband, stand at the altar. Taking the
woman's hand, the man says to her, "I take you to be my wedded wife, to have
and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for
poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish—until death us do
part." Taking the man's hand the woman says to him, with slight variations,
the same words. Then they twain, pronounced one—go forth, to
begin their wedded life together.
How can they make their marriage a truly happy one? It
can be done; it ought to be done; it will be done—unless
one or the other, or both—shall fail in keeping the sacred covenant. How can
it be done?
One suggestion, is that the love and the loving ways of
the wooing days—must be carried over into the life of the wedded
days.
Why is it that so many married people, when the
honeymoon is over, drop all the arts of love by which they won and
held each other in affection's thrall, before marriage? The young
husband comes in tired, and when he arrives home—he leaves at the door his
affectionateness, and sometimes even his good manners. He takes no pains to
be agreeable, much less tender! A husband should be as
affectionate to his wife, even when both are gray headed, as he was to the
girl when he was trying to win her.
This rule applies also to a wife. You remember how you
used to watch for your lover, how cordially you always greeted him, how
charming you made his stay. Do you watch now for his steps when he comes
home? Do you greet him with the same tender love?
Another secret of wedded happiness, is for husband and
wife to maintain close communion of spirit.
They should talk
together daily on all matters of common interest. No doubt silence is golden
at times—but even silence may be overdone. It was a wise saying of
Franklin's, "As we must account for every idle word—so must we
account for every idle silence." Some husbands and wives have too
many idle silences together. It is said that married people can be
identified as such on railway trains—by their silence as they travel
side by side! At home, too, when alone, many a husband and wife sit through
meals and pass whole evenings with scarcely a word passing between them.
They act as if they were mute!
When two people are united in love, and have so many
sacred interests in common, why should they not talk together of their
affairs—of their home, of the books they are reading, of their spiritual
joys and hopes, of their relation to God and to duty? Why should they not
speak out from their full, loving hearts—the sacred words of affection
which so often tremble unspoken on their lips?
On the other hand, there is also a lesson of keeping
silence—which must be learned. It is better not to speak—than to speak
angrily, impatiently, or bitterly. Two sisters had a rule—that if
either of them was in a bad mood—from any cause, and disposed to be
irritable, she went to her own room, and stayed there until the unhappy mood
had passed off. This would be a good rule in wedded life.
Then there is another way: If one of the parties is
evidently out of sorts, in an irritable mood, disposed to be easily
ruffled—let the other avoid any word or act which would naturally irritate.
Also, they should call into play all genial, kindly arts to soothe and heal
and quiet the troubled spouse. If something has gone wrong with the husband,
for example, and he appears to be vexed, touchy, or cross—let the wife put
on all her charms of loving grace to sweeten the air. If the wife is
tired, nervous, or overly sensitive—let the husband use all of
affection's arts to make it easy for her to keep sweet.
Another secret of happiness in wedded life, is for
husband and wife never to speak harshly or unkindly to each other.
It is thought that faithful friendship requires us to tell our
friends of their faults. But this requires great delicacy, and there are few
cases in which this service can be safely rendered. Certainly nothing does
more to mar the sacredness of wedded life, than indiscriminate fault
finding!
There is a better way of curing faults than by ceaseless,
fretful nagging—the way of love. Husband and wife must learn to bear with
one another's infirmities—as well as bear one another's burdens.
There is no relation in which there is greater need of patience, than in
wedded life. Neither party is perfect; both have need of love's
indulgence.
By wise treatment faults may be transformed into traits
of beauty and strength. Thus it is, that Christ deals with our faults, when
we put them into his hands. In this way, should we seek to deal with the
faults of our friends. But the critical, censorious way tends only to
exaggerate the blemishes, and aggravate the assailed evils!
Another secret of happiness is for husband and wife never
to speak to anyone—of the other's faults or frailties.
Any man
with good eyes can see things even in his own wife which he would like to
have changed. Any bright woman can readily detect in her husband, on close
acquaintance, traits, habits, or little ways that are not beautiful. But
true love covers a multitude of both sins and faults. They
must be patient, not taking too careful note of blemishes—but especially
should each seek to hide the other's infirmities or faults from the outside
world. They should at least never speak of these faults, even to dearest
friends.
Some married people are indiscreet in this matter. It is
wise by far to keep the lips sealed, concerning marital infelicities of any
kind. No third person should ever hear any unkind word from one spouse,
concerning the other. What goes on in your home is only your own affair—and
God's. To tell it to the hungry gossips—is to set fire to your own
nest!
Another secret of wedded happiness, lies in both parties
being ready always to give up their own way.
One man asked
another why he and his wife were forever disagreeing. "Because we both want
our own way!" Measureless trouble in marriage has come out of obstinate
pride. "Pride only breeds quarrels!" Proverbs 13:10. The relation between
husband and wife, can never be settled by mere rules. Love seeks not
its own. It never is tyrannical. See our Master, with basin and towel,
washing the feet of the disciples who themselves were too proud and unloving
to do the humble service one for another! They are greatest—who serve most
fully and sweetly. Marriage can be made happy only by mutual obliteration
of SELF.
These words may be read by some who are somewhat
disappointed in the happiness they are finding in wedded life. But when a
Christian man and woman are united in marriage, they should set themselves
to the task of wedded happiness—at whatever cost of self-denial. Even
if they find that they are not altogether well-mated, when once they have
entered the marriage state—they should determine, by the help of Christ, to
live happily together.
Longfellow, in one of his poems, tells of seeing on the
ground, a fallen bird's nest, torn and ruined. But looking up into the tree
above, he saw the uncomplaining birds busy there amid the branches, building
a new nest for themselves. The patient birds teach a lesson to any
whose first attempts at wedded happiness have failed. Their nest
seems to be in ruin; but they should rise and build anew, making another
nest of beauty, instead of the one which has been spoiled.
IV. The Wedding Ring
The wedding ring, given and received, is the token or
pledge of faithfulness. The man in giving the ring binds himself by
all that is holy and sacred—to be a true husband to the woman to whom he
gives it, until death shall separate them. The woman who receives the ring
in the like manner, binds herself to be a true and faithful wife to the man
from whom she accepts it. The ring is to both of them the seal of the
holy covenant. Every woman who wears a wedding ring is by this token,
set apart from all other women. Every time she sees the golden circlet upon
her hand, if she is a godly woman, she will remember the holy covenant into
which she has entered.
There is danger, that too often the sacredness of
marriage is not understood by those who enter into it. The words of the
ceremony declare that marriage is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly
or lightly—but reverently, discreetly, soberly, and in the fear of God. Not
all who take upon themselves the solemn vows, do it in this serious
way. Too many marry without one sober thought about what they are doing. Two
young people meet, are attracted the one to the other, go together a longer
or shorter time, "fall in love," become engaged. Then in a little while they
are united in marriage. They have never thought the matter through
seriously. They have not asked whether they are suited to each other or not.
They have gone blindly into marriage. Is it any wonder that ofttimes such
marriages are sad failures?
Yet God's plan for every marriage is happiness.
Home is meant to be a miniature of heaven—a fragment of the celestial
blessedness let down into this world. Marriage is meant to be a little
sanctuary, into which husband and wife may flee from earth's storms and
dangers, where in love's shelter, their hearts fed with affection's daily
bread--they may dwell in quiet peace. Marriage is meant to be a shelter
in which, covered from the frosts of the world and shielded from its
cold and tempests--two lives may grow together into richest beauty,
realizing their sweetest dreams of happiness, blending in whatever things
are true, whatever things are pure, and attaining the finest possibilities
of godly character. Marriage is meant to be a holy ark, floating on
the wild floods of human life—like Noah's ark on the deluge, bearing to
heaven's gates, to the harbor of glory--the lives which God has shut within
its doors. A godly marriage is a little nook in the very heart of God,
where faithful souls are held close to the Father's heart, and carried
safely, amid dangers and sorrows, to the home above!
In order to insure the happiness and the blessing to
which God designs marriage to lead—two things are necessary. One is—care and
prayer before marriage, in choosing a spouse. The other is—care and
prayer after marriage.
The secret of happiness in wedded life lies in great
degree—in the days before marriage. Much depends upon wisdom
in choosing a spouse.
Hasty marriages should be avoided. Ofttimes the
unhappiness of a bad marriage would have been avoided—if more time had been
taken to consider the matter—if the heart had waited on the head.
In some things we may experiment, and if we find that we have made a
mistake—we can try again. But marriage is "until death do us part." The bond
can be broken only by the wrecking of the life, and the blighting of its
fairest hopes. A step which involves such vital and holy interests, and is
so irrevocable—should be entered upon only with the utmost seriousness and
the most careful thought!
It has been the tendency to look upon women who do not
marry, with a sort of amiable pity—as if they had missed the prize in
life. But ofttimes the reason for their not marrying is because they will
not accept a man into whose face they could not look with pride, and on
whose arm they could not lean with implicit confidence. Such women are to be
honored for their self respect, their courage, and their womanly dignity.
They appreciate the seriousness of marriage, and believe it to be, not a
prize—but a mistake, a misfortune, a desecration—unless
the man is in the highest degree worthy—and unless the union be a true union
of hearts, in which two lives blend in perfect accord.
No marriage engagement should be made without earnest
prayer. We need God's guidance at every point in life—but in no
other experience should young people be more sure of the divine direction
and blessing, than in choosing and deciding regarding marriage. The
engagement which God does not approve, is not a fit one.
The breaking of an engagement sometimes brings
great sorrow to a gentle heart; but when anything which seems to be
inevitable interferes with a plan for marriage, it is better to acquiesce
without complaint—for if the hand of God is in it, there must be a reason
for it. There is a fable of a falconer, who, returning weary and
thirsty, stopped under a crag, where clear, cold water dripped drop by drop
from the rock, and filled his cup. As he was raising it to his lips, the
falcon dashed it from his hand. Again he waited for the cup to fill—but
again the bird struck it down. A third time this was repeated. Then the
falconer in anger killed the bird, and sent his servant up to the spring in
the crag, to fill the cup there. The servant found a deadly serpent in the
water, and hastened back to report to his master. Then the falconer saw why
the bird three times had dashed from his lips the cup which contained death.
The motto of the story is—when the cup of wedded happiness is struck from
the hand of a young person, it is better not to complain. No one can tell
what poison or what bitterness there may have been in it, or
how merciful was the hand which smote it down!
The sacredness of marriage requires also, that
after the holy bond has been formed, it shall be nourished with all
tenderness. It does not necessarily follow that every wedding ceremony is a
gate to happiness and blessedness. An unwatched marriage will never
become a deeply happy one. The two, though united, do not become
really one; they still remain two, with lives distinct—and they are apt to
grow farther and farther apart! At the best, it is not easy, even
when love is deep and strong, to attain marital happiness. It takes much
sacrifice of desire, of will, of pleasure, of feeling. If both insist upon
always having their own way, they will never be really happy. They must be
ready to yield their own pleasure continually. That is what love does—or it
is not love at all.
This is one of the first lessons which must be learned
after the wedding day. Young people imagine that their love is so strong,
that there never could be any differences between them, any
frictions, anything but ecstatic bliss in each other's company. But
the illusion vanishes when they begin to live together! They find that
their undisciplined natures clash; both are willful, both are exacting. Each
expects the other to yield and serve—but neither is ready to do the yielding
and serving.
Until each is ready to give up SELF, to forget
SELF—to serve each other in all ways—there is no real marriage. A
ceremony marries no happy couple. The ceremony may take them through the
formalities of a marriage contract, and may make them legally husband and
wife; but it does not marry them. Their marriage may have been begun
long before they stand at he altar—their lives may have been in process of
blending, growing together—but it must go on afterward, until the twain
are really one in all their life, united in all their thoughts,
purposes, feelings, and desires. This takes time, and it is not easy.
A bride of a year, pointed one day to a special card
which stood upon her mantel piece, and said, "That card saved my home!" Then
she told how in the first days after her marriage, she and her husband
seemed unable to get along sweetly together. They were in continual
friction. Each affected the other in an unkindly way. The young wife was
sadly disheartened, and began to feel that her marriage was a dismal
mistake, and that she would never be happy.
One day at lunch, something had gone wrong—the
conversation had ended in angry words. The husband had gone to his business
in a vexed mood, without the usual tender leave-taking; and the wife went
upstairs, sobbing as if her heart would break. As she entered her room her
eye fell upon the little card. She had never really noticed the words
before, but now they flashed into her soul with a wondrous power: "What
would Jesus do?" The weeping woman found herself trying to answer the
question. What would Jesus do if he were in her place? He certainly
would not do as she had been doing since her wedding day. He would
not have been exacting, willful, over-sensitive, and irritable. He would
have been patient, gentle, and kindly.
The outcome of it all was that the young wife's attitude
toward her husband was altogether changed. When he came home in the evening
he found a new woman waiting for him. Love had taken its old place
again—no longer a selfish love—but a love which was thoughtful, ready to
yield and to serve. She told him of the lesson she had learned—and then
he learned it too! They bowed side by side at God's feet, and their
hearts flowed together in love and prayer. From that night there was no more
willful desire in either of them—but each sought to serve the other. All
their life was ruled now by the test, "What would Jesus do?" The
little card had saved their home!
LOVE is the secret of happy wedded life! Nothing else
will take its place. There are homes where there is no lack of food, or
money, or beautiful things, or luxuries—yet where a woman's heart always
aches—where the brightness fades from her fair face—where the shoulders
stoop, and where sighs are heard in secret. "Is this all that marriage can
give?" she asks in weariness and pain. Yet that good man prides himself on
being a model husband, and doing so much for his wife—new dresses,
diamonds, furs, fine carriages, paintings, high society. Yes—but no woman's
heart can feed upon these worldly things. Wedded happiness will not survive,
even in a palace of delights—if love and tenderness are lacking!
The wife has her part too; neither alone can make the
marriage perfect. Even if the husband fails—she must not fail. Many a wife
by the sweetness of her spirit, the gentleness of her manner,
the unweariedness of her patience, and the richness of her
affection—has changed a rough, austere man—into something of her own
tenderness.
Husband and wife need only to do, along the years—what,
with clasped hands at the altar, they solemnly promised each other to do.
They took each other for better or for worse, and said they would each love
and cherish the other. They should keep their marriage vow! The beauty in
the wife's face will fade, the glossy hair will turn to white, and the
graceful form will stoop little by little, under the burdens of years. The
youthful freshness will vanish, too, from the husband's manly features.
Toil, care, and struggle will leave their marks upon him. But in all these
changes—love should grow only the stronger and tenderer. More and more
perfectly should their lives blend as the years pass. They should
share their joys; and if burdens and cares come—they
should share these too.
There will be sorrows also; but these will only
draw closer together, lives which are truly wedded. It is a new marriage day
when a baby is born; it is a new marriage day also when a child dies, and
two lovers sit with clasped hands beside the coffin of their dead child. All
great experiences, if love is true, become sacred, drawing hearts closer,
knitting souls in ever tenderer union, as together they move toward the
sunset gates.
Always it must be remembered—that the great
master-secret of all deepest, holiest wedded happiness—is Christ! There
may be a kind of happiness without Christ; but there can be no full,
blessed, unbroken joy—if He is left out. Christless wedded happiness
is but a rootless flower, which will fade in the hot sun. But when hearts
are one in Christ, it is a threefold cord which cannot be broken—which binds
them together, and their joy is fadeless!