MY BROTHER'S KEEPER
Letters from James Alexander (1804-1859)
to his younger brother, on the virtues and
vices, the duties and dangers of youth.
Evil Speaking
My dear brother,
The sins of the tongue are, perhaps, more numerous than all our other
outward offenses. And faults of this kind are very common in young people.
It is not usual to find a youth who is not fond of talking, and where there
is much talking, as I have said to you before, there is commonly much sin.
Very few boys or girls feel the importance of keeping a strict watch over
their lips—and hence, much of their time is taken up in idle, unprofitable,
and wicked conversation. I hope I need not say a word more to you about
willful lying, profaneness, or slander. These you have been taught to abhor.
But there are vices, allied to these, and partaking of their character, into
which young people are very apt to fall. Their wickedness is not so open and
glaring, and therefore they are committed without compunction.
When young people are talking together, in high spirits,
nothing is more natural than for them to converse about their neighbors and
acquaintances; and they are as likely to speak of the faults, as the
excellencies of these people. In this way, the habit is formed of remarking
too freely on personal character, and thus many, before they suspect
themselves, fall into the vice of SLANDER. Even when you know of an
offence committed by another, it is right to say nothing of it, except where
silence would plainly be a sin. "He that covers a transgression seeks love."
Charity, or true Christian love, rejoices not in iniquity—but believes all
things, and hopes all things.
In general, the less you talk about absent people the
better. Especially, the less you speak of their faults, the better. Some
boys are in a hurry to repeat everything they hear about the misdeeds of
their acquaintances. This shows a low and depraved temper. We may slander,
even by speaking the truth; and if we loved our neighbor as ourselves, we
would conceal his frailties, just as we always try to conceal our own. The
character of a slanderer is justly abhorred. Try to avoid even the
appearance of being such. The Scriptures describe the good man as one "that
backbites not with his tongue." And they class together "backbiters, and
haters of God." In order to keep clear of this vice, beware of tale-bearing.
There are some things, indeed, which your duty as a son or a pupil will
constrain you to make known; and this ought not to be called talebearing—but
faithfulness.
What I mean to guard you against is the disposition to
tattle about every fault or misdemeanor of your playmates or friends. So far
as it is practicable or lawful—be the last to carry the bad tidings of a
transgression. Be careful not to say anything about others, which you would
not be willing they should hear, or which you would not be willing they
shall say of you.
Harsh and reviling language used towards others is
a kind of slander. It injures the feelings and the character of those to
whom it is addressed. And it is, perhaps, more common among boys than among
men; for as people grow up to years of maturity, they learn the imprudence
and the danger of abusing their neighbors with violent words. "Revilers," we
are told, "shall not inherit the kingdom of God."
A very common sort of indirect slander is the ridicule
often bestowed by the young upon the foibles of others. You often hear
boys laughing at the peculiarities of some unfortunate youth, and amusing
themselves with his looks, his walk, his pronunciation, or his clothes.
Where there is a talent for mimicry, this disposition is still more
encouraged. Young people are fond of making fun of everything humiliating in
their playmates. Very few people seem to regard this as wrong; but a little
consideration will convince you that it is so; for we always think less of
anyone who is thus held up in a ludicrous point of view; and this is the
very effect produced by slander. The offence becomes a crime when the
ridicule is aimed at the natural defects or misfortunes of others. None but
the most hard-hearted will sport with the infirmities of the aged, the
blind, the crippled, or the poor. And I would advise you to shun the company
of any boy who is in the habit of laughing at, or mimicking the natural and
unavoidable peculiarities of those around him.
Take care, my dear brother, how you remark on the faults
of any one. Perhaps you are guilty of the very same faults. Or, if not,
perhaps the report you have heard is untrue. Or, even if it is true, there
may be palliating circumstances of which you are ignorant. Or, even at the
worst, if it should be all that you might imagine, it can do no good to
remark upon it, and you may be inflicting an injury which you can never
repair. There is scarcely anything so dear to man as reputation; and when
this is once stained by slander, it is exceedingly hard, and often
impossible, to remove the spot.
You are now forming habits for life. I beg you; avoid
this habit of evil-speaking. It is one of the most common sins of mankind,
and therefore I am the more earnest that you should escape it. Do not
even listen to slander. Let all around you know, that it gives you no
pleasure to hear your fellow creatures defamed.
Last of all—the surest method of avoiding habits of
evil-speaking, is to maintain sincere love for all your fellow-creatures.
We never willingly injure those we sincerely love. We never speak bitterly
and slanderously of our own dear relations. And so far as we have true
charity for all mankind, we shall avoid the very appearance of defamation
and slander.
Your affectionate brother,
James