I would soon fall into gross sins!

(The following in an excerpt from the diary of James Smith)

"The deceitfulness of sin!" Hebrews 3:13

September, 1850.
I have been the subject of very powerful temptations, and have reason to mourn, that though kept from outward sin — I have felt my heart going out after secret evil. I as much need keeping now — as at any former period of my life! The flesh is so powerful, that if God were to withdraw His hand — I would soon fall into gross sins!

How difficult it is to reconcile what I feel, with a 'growth in grace,' or with anything like a deep work of inward sanctification. Sin seems to lose all its deformity at such times, and appears to be a mere trifling act. O the self-deluding power of sin!

If any of God's people ought to be humble — I ought to; and to lie lower before God than any of them. Still, pride works mightily in me. I strive to do good, my heart is set upon it — and yet at present, I seem to make very little progress.

"Hold me up — and I shall be safe!" Psalm 119:117